| As yoga practitioners, yoga teachers and citizens of | | | | practicing letting go of life's little annoyances. |
| life, our boundaries with friends, family, co-workers, | | | | So when does it serve us best to (re)set and |
| students, strangers, ourselves are constantly receding, | | | | communicate boundaries? When the amount of |
| expanding, evolving. Sometimes we feel comfortable | | | | energy that we expend on a "missing boundary" |
| with our boundaries sometimes we do not. Just like | | | | begins causing stress. |
| with happiness and anger, we are each responsible for | | | | HOW do we set boundaries while being truthful to |
| establishing our own boundaries. And then, the harder | | | | ourselves and practicing ahimsa (non-harming)? As |
| part...communicating these boundaries to the universe | | | | with everything in our yoga practice: with conscious |
| (or relevant person). | | | | practice. This means pausing and being aware of the |
| In my work with yoga instructors and others who | | | | following before reacting: |
| gravitate to yoga, I have seen a theme of people who | | | | 1. Am I doing or saying this to please another person or |
| are "pleasers". Sound familiar? Those of us who want | | | | does it serve me? |
| the world around us to be happy and comfortable | | | | 2. Stay with the discomfort that comes up when you |
| (nothing wrong with that), can easily end up feeling | | | | envision setting a boundary for yourself - get |
| taken advantage of. But remember, only you can allow | | | | comfortable with the discomfort by allowing yourself to |
| yourself to feel taken advantage of....no one can take | | | | experience it. This is different from ruminating |
| advantage of you. | | | | (obsessing) about the situation - rather it is a meditation |
| So, how do we prevent ourselves from feeling this | | | | in letting go of the AVERSION to the discomfort. |
| way? | | | | There will be discomfort in setting boundaries, because |
| The Yoga Sutra's first limb, Yama (principles for living), | | | | other people may and up disappointing by your actions |
| talks about satya or "truthfulness" of words and | | | | (a pleaser's biggest fear). But it is essential to |
| actions. We can use this idea of right truth to support | | | | preserving your authenticity and self worth to serve |
| ourselves with boundary setting. A few ways to think | | | | yourself in this way. So let the discomfort sit - practice |
| about this: | | | | being with it along first, and then when you act on it. |
| 1. If we do not express ourselves when another | | | | 3. Consciously evaluate whether something is worth an |
| person is behaving in a way that is detrimental to our | | | | expenditure of energy or if you are better served |
| well being - we are NOT being "truthful" with our SELF. | | | | letting it go. This will take practice, and mistakes. If you |
| 2. It is NOT our responsibility to speak up for every | | | | let something go, and it is still nagging at you - you may |
| perceived inequity or wrong that we encounter - | | | | want to revisit whether you should have established a |
| ONLY to speak up when it is a more than a mild | | | | firmer boundary. If you set a strong boundary, and find |
| infringement on our own boundaries. We are ONLY | | | | that you are not even thinking about the situation a |
| responsible for and can only set our own boundaries. | | | | few days (or hours) later perhaps it was not |
| 3. Where do we draw the line between a "nuisance" | | | | necessary. This will take some experimentation, |
| infringement on our boundaries and a "detrimental" | | | | mistakes and a lot of awareness of the |
| infringement? We don't need to expend the energy on | | | | consequences ("positive" and "negative") of your |
| every boundary that is bumped into (remember the | | | | actions. |
| story about crying wolf?). Often we are better served | | | | |