| Parenting after divorce requires serious adjustment, | | | | do homework with your child or not feed them cake |
| trust, and confidence. Whether you resolve your | | | | for dinner will not work. |
| divorce through a peaceful resolution process or | | | | 5. Allow Dad to be the Dad you want him to be. When |
| through a divorce battle, the way you and your ex | | | | Dad has the kids and calls you to find out if, for |
| "co-parent" will have an impact, good or bad, on your | | | | example, he should give Susie a certain medication, |
| children. | | | | give Dad the information to make the decision himself |
| Many mothers feel that they are better equipped to | | | | (Susie was allergic when she was first born. If you are |
| care for the child than the father for a variety of | | | | going to give it to her, watch her breathing for the next |
| reasons. "He's never taken care of a four year old | | | | 30 minutes and be ready to get her to the hospital if |
| before." "He doesn't even know who Susie's doctors | | | | she starts wheezing, etc). Resist taking control but |
| are." Some of these reasons may, in fact, be true. | | | | make sure your child is safe. |
| Why? Because mom always took those | | | | 6. Keep Dad informed about your child's schedule. |
| responsibilities. So what happens when little Susie is on | | | | There are online services such as Our Family Wizard |
| her weekend visit with Dad? Unless Mom and Dad | | | | that can help you do this without having to directly |
| have a good co-parenting relationship (doesn't happen | | | | communicate with Dad; |
| over-night), Mom will probably be frantic all weekend, | | | | 7. Keep a regular routine that your child can take with |
| Susie will feel Mom's anxiety before she leaves to | | | | her when she is with Dad. For example, make it your |
| spend time with Dad, Susie will likely be worried all | | | | child's job to always lock the doors and windows at |
| weekend about Mom, Dad will feel that Mom is judging | | | | your house. When she's at Dad's, guess what she'll do |
| him and trying to interfere with his relationship with | | | | every night; |
| Susie, and there will likely be more court hearings to | | | | 8. If you happen to be the disciplinarian or the |
| modify visitation because Susie is uncomfortable | | | | homework enforcer, make sure you also make time |
| visiting with Dad, Dad is not taking proper care of | | | | for fun - your regular routine should include game |
| Susie, Mom is "brain-washing" Susie against Dad, etc. | | | | nights, bed time stories, evening walks, etc; |
| All of these are understandable "perspectives". | | | | 9. Have a support network and a stress outlet - yoga, |
| Children pick up on emotion even when nothing is said | | | | a book club, etc. This will also help keep your mind off |
| to them. Regardless of what Dad says or does, you | | | | your child when s/he is with Dad. |
| have the ability to create a positive relationship with | | | | 10. Try not to be alone on holidays when your child is |
| your child. Here are a few tips for divorced Mothers | | | | with Dad. The last thing you need is to be so |
| wanting to improve their relationships with their children: | | | | depressed that your child starts to feel guilty for being |
| 1. Never bad mouth your child's father in the child's | | | | away from you at that time of year, every year. |
| presence or within his/her range of hearing; | | | | Create new traditions that you can look forward to. |
| 2. Never ask your child about his/her time with Dad - | | | | Child specialists agree that children who's parents have |
| let your child tell you about it without any pressure | | | | divorced tend to have more productive relationships in |
| from you; | | | | adulthood when their parents resolve their divorces |
| 3. When your child shares something negative about | | | | peacefully. These tips where accumulated from my |
| Dad ("Dad said you don't want me to spend time with | | | | experience as a divorce peacemaker, from |
| him"), don't attack Dad. The best response is to tell | | | | recommendations by child specialists, and from |
| your child that you're sorry s/he had to hear that and | | | | practices that have worked for my clients. There are |
| that Mom and Dad are working on this very hard and | | | | many more ways to succeed in co-parenting. Please |
| "we both love you very much." | | | | feel free to share your comments and what has |
| 4. Don't try to control Dad - it didn't work when you | | | | worked for you by visiting my web site. |
| were married, it will work even less now. Telling him to | | | | |